Again, time has passed me by. I read my last post and could feel all of those emotions all over again. I thought 2013 being an odd year would have been a year for me to catch up at work and create the department that I have been promising my boss I would create. Instead our sales team proved to be working very hard and my team acquired multiple services and transitioned those services in record breaking time. Last year my team proved their intelligence and commitment. I couldn't ask for a better team.
Not everything is perfect nor should it be. There were unforgettable break down moments. I thought that 2013 would be a little more refreshing and it disappointed me in the sense that I still do not feel content with where I am in life and what I have accomplished. I didn't think it was possible but I yearn for more in my life.
I want to be someone who makes a difference. I want to be someone that continually moves up and grabs every chance that comes there way. Doesn't everyone? No. I found that there are so many people out there that do not need to be more. They are content with taking on life slowly as it comes to them. For example, my brother has an amazing work record. He has been offered jobs that I would have died to be apart of. Jobs that that are not easy to get. He has chosen first to be a good father and husband. He turns job after job down because he doesn't want to leave a cushy position that makes sense for his family for a position that will work him like a horse that he is not compassionate about. It takes a real man to say no. I would cave in because I need the challenge and I have a need to prove my worthiness. I feel like this need absolutely controls my life and that is sad to me. My brother has told me two things that have stuck with me.
1. Don't burn yourself out. I have done this M and it is not worth your health and missing out on life.
2. When I interview, I pay close attention to the hours that the boss puts in. If the boss is putting in tons of hours that means two things: 1-He will expect that and more out of you. 2-When you get promoted to his job you will be still putting in long hours.
He has said #1 to me many times to which I rolled my eyes. Until now a little too late because I truly feel burned out, tired, and defeated. #2 He has only said once and only needed to say once because I listened. It didn't stick because of the amount of times he said it. It stuck because I was LISTENING. He is right. Where did he get this. It seems so simple yet that never occurred to me. Maybe it didn't matter to me in the past.
I yearn to take over chaotic tasks because I master successfully managing crazy situations. My boss tells me all of the time that he doesn't worry about me because he knows bottom line I will not fail. Is this bad? I don't think so but what is bad is peers taking advantage of me. Being a yes woman has caused me to have a little life outside of work. I didn't experience 2013 with family I experienced 2013 with work. I worked and worked and worked to only being told negative criticism on what I am all doing wrong. So there were in deed some real set backs for me. Things that made me rethink what is important. I am still trying to realign what is important and how to feel worthy again.
Today is the first day of my Christmas vacation that I have felt, clear headed, creative, inspired, and energized. Sadly, I only have three days left of the 17 days off. Yes I know 17 days sounds crazy but they gave us 7 days of Holiday off, 1 day for a funeral, and I took the 3 remainder week days off for PTO. I hope that I can continue to refill my soul these next few days so that I can start my 2014 in a refreshed matter. This year calls for change. Change must happen.
M
